Your name is KELLY.

You are pretty enthusiastic about a lot of things! Everything EXCITES you! Everything. Your favorite thing to do is to LISTEN TO MUSIC and draw KIND OF BAD art. Sometimes you write stories too, but these are EQUALLY AS BAD. But you’re okay with that. You’re okay with a lot of things.

You have a variety of interests, most of which are JUSTICE, LINGUISTICS, SCARY STORIES, MURDER SCENES, THE PERPETUATION OF ALLEGED MISANDRY, HAUNTED PLACES, CARTOONISH MONSTERS THAT CAN FIT INSIDE YOUR POCKET, PSYCHEDELIC ART, MUSEUMS, and ASTRONOMY. Your favorite way to relax is to watch a funny movie, paint your nails, and eat junk food. Sometimes you also like to KICK BACK and IMBIBE in some WICKED cheap potato-based ELIXIR. You think potatoes are pretty rad, but you think potato-based liquors are even radder. Under the RIGHT CIRCUMSTANCES, you are able to PROCURE GOODS in an entirely ILLEGAL MANNER. Your defense is that it’s all in your fight against THE MAN. Sadly, you have an actual addiction to shopping, most usually for NAIL PAINTS, EARLOBE HANGERS, FINGER ADORNMENTS, CHEW STICKS, and LIP BALM. Addiction is a powerful thing.

You were born in New York City and grew up NOT FAR from there, in a mystical land called New Jersey. Your racial background is PRETTY MUCH WHITEBREAD and your ethnic background is a mix of EUROPEAN, MIDDLE EASTERN, and SOUTH AMERICAN. You’re pretty proud of your heritage because it’s the best. You are the best.

You’re NOT SURE with what you want to do with your life! But you don’t give up HOPE so easily, and SOMETHING GOOD is always around the corner! Will Smith said that. You’re pretty sure he did. In the meantime, you are a BUCKET HANDLER at the FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY. Someone’s got to handle all those buckets. And that someone is you.

Your favorite two weapons are LOGIC and CHARM. When used together, you have the potential to rule the world, or at the very least, get what you want, when you want it.

Your favorite color is RETINA-SCORCHING NEON, and you have a tendency to TAWK INNA RUSHED N AWLMOST COMEDIC TOUGH-GUY MANNA. You like to abuse the heck out of SMILES and use EVERY CURSE in the book. Every curse. Anything that comes out of your mouth is PRESUMABLY SARCASTIC and if people don’t get it, then they’re MORONS.

What will you do?